Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2009

HIGH SCHOOL -- 1959 vs. 2009






















Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.















Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. This is so true, I had to pass it on!
1959 - Crowd gathers.. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.















Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1959 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.


Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1959 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

















Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1959 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations.. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

















Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1959 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.






















Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1959 - Ants die.
2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.























Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1959 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Challenging Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get Started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.."

Her bo
yfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets hi
m in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nic
e cup of tea, and then " he said with a deep sigh, . .. . ... . ..




"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

YOU GOTTA LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding

on

the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,

standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunken guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain

out

there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you

remember

about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I

think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the

pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"



"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

You Gotta Love Old Men

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, “Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”