I Think You're The Father Of One Of My Kids...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me? ' To which she replies, 'I
think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and so he says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No ........ I'm your son's
teacher.'

We Should Run Lee For President:

Remember Lee Iacocca, the VP at Ford credited with the birth of the
Mustang, the man who rescued Chrysler Corporation from their death
throes, and the
owner of the famous quote 'Lead, follow, or get out of the way'?
Well, he's back! He has a new book, and here are some excerpts.

Lee Iacocca writes:

'Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening?
Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder.
We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right
over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't
even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead
of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say,
'Stay the course'. Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is
America not the 'Titanic'. I'll give you a sound bite: 'Throw all the bums out!'

You might think I'm getting senile, that I've gone off my rocker, and
maybe I have. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country
anymore. The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but
the guys in handcuffs.
While we're fiddling in Iraq , the Middle East is burning and nobody
seems to know what to do. And the press is waving 'pom-poms' instead
of asking hard questions. That's not the promise of the ' America ' my parents
and yours traveled across the ocean for. I've had enough. How about you?

I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not
outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have.

The Biggest 'C' is Crisis!

Leaders are made, not born. Leadership is forged in times of crisis.
It's easy to sit there with your feet up on the desk and talk theory. Or
send someone else's kids off to war when you've never seen a battlefield
yourself.
It's another thing to lead when your world comes tumbling down. George
Bush, Dick Chaney and who is this Bozo coming up next? One of the most
Liberal Idiots in the U. S. Senate and he is talking about disarming
America. I can't believe the American people aren't seeing what he is about to do
to this country. May God have mercy on us all.

On September 11, 2001, we needed a strong leader more than any other
time in our history. We needed a steady hand to guide us out of the ashes.
So here's where we stand. We're immersed in a bloody war with no plan
for winning and no plan for leaving. We're running the biggest deficit in
the history of the country. We're losing the manufacturing edge to Asia ,
while our once-great Companies are all moving offshore. We're getting
slaughtered by health care costs. Gas prices ar e skyrocketing, and nobody in
power has a coherent energy policy. Our schools are the worst in the world. Our
borders are like sieves. The middle class is being squeezed every
which way.
These are times that cry out for leadership and we are getting ready to
put the most Liberal Senator in the U. S. Senate in as our next President
because we want to be fair and elect someone just because of his race. We don't
have time to be fair, we need a strong leader.

But when you look around, you've got to ask: 'Where have all the
leaders gone?' Where are the curious, creative communicators? Where are the
people of character, courage, conviction, omnipotence, and common sense? I may be
a sucker for alliteration, but I hope you get the point.

Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than
making us take off our shoes in air ports and throw away our shampoo? We've
spent billions of dollars building a huge new bureaucracy, and all we know how
to do is react to things that have already happened.

Name me one leader who emerged from the crisis of Hurricane Katrina.
Congress has yet to spend a single day evaluating the response to the
hurricane, or demanding accou ntability for the decisions that were made in the
crucial hours after the storm. Everyone's hunkering down, fingers crossed,
hoping it doesn't happen again. Well guess what people? We are having more
floods right now. What are we doing to help these people out. Now, that's
just crazy.
Storms happen. Deal with it. Make a plan. Figure out what you're
going to do the next time. Why are we allowing people to build in flood
plains anyway? If you build in a flood area, expect to be flooded and deal
with it.
Don't expect the Government to bail you out.

Name me an industry leader who is thinking creatively about how we can
restore our competitive edge in manufacturing. All they seem to be
thinking now-day is getting themselves bigger salaries and bonuses. Who would
have believed that there could ever be a time when 'The Big Three' referred
to Japanese car companies? How did this happen, and more important, what
are we going to do about it? Likely nothing!

Name me a government leader who can articulate a plan for paying down
the debt, or solving the energy crisis, or managing the health care
problem. The silence is deafening. But these are the crises that are eating away at
our country and milking the middle class dry.

I have news for the gang in Congress and the Senate. We didn't elect
you to sit on your asses and do nothing and remain silent while our
democracy is being hijacked and our greatness is being replaced with mediocrity.
What is everybody so afraid of? That some bonehead on _Fox News_
(http://www.foxnews.com/) will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don't you guys
show some spine for a change? I honestly don't think any of you have
one!

Had Enough?

Hey, I'm not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom here. I'm trying
to light a fire. I'm speaking out because I have hope; I believe in
America .... In my lifetime I've had the privilege of living through some of
America's greatest moments. I've also experienced some of our worst crises: the
'Great Depression', 'World War II', the 'Korean War', the 'Kennedy
Assassination', the 'Vietnam War', the 1970s oil crisis, and the struggles of recent
years culminating with 9/11. If I've learned one thing, it's this: 'You
don't get anywhere by standing on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to
take action.
Whether it's building a better car or building a better future for our
children, we all have a role to play. That's the challenge I'm raising
in this book. It's a call to 'Action' for people who, like me, believe in
America.
It's not too late, but it's getting pretty close. So let's shake off
the crap and go to work. Let's tell 'em all we've had 'enough.'

Make a 'real contribution' by sending this to everyone you know and
care about......our future is at stake!

Federal Employee Eval. Quotes

>
> 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and 
> has started to dig."
>
> 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
>
> 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of 
> a definite won't-be."
>
> 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a 
> rat in a trap."
>
> 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it's only to change feet."
>
> 6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
>
> 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to 
> achieve them."
>
> 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
>
> 9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the 
> better! "
>
> 10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all 
> together."
>
> 11. "Agross ignoramus --144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>
> 12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>
> 13. "This man's drinking has not interfered with his work.
>
> 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
>
> 15. "He's been working with glue too much."
>
> 16. "He would argue with a signpost."
>
> 17. "He brings a lot of joy when ever he leaves the room."
>
> 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
>
> 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the 
> other one."
>
> 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>
> 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
>
> 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was finished using it."
>
> 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't 
> coming."
>
> 24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out 
> looking for it."
>
> 25. "If he were an y more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a 
> week."
>
> 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
>
> 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>
>  28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
>
>  29  One neuron short of a synapse."
>
> 30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
>
> 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
>
> 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

What Costs More Per Year Than The Iraq War?!

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year. http://tinyurl.com/zob77 <http://tinyurl.com/zob77>

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec..html <http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html>

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens. http:/ /www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html <http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html>

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html>

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as “anchor babies.” http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html>

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to inca rcerate illegal aliens. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html>

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html>

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare and Social Services by the American taxpayers. http://premi um.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html <http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html>

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html <http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html>

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two-and-a-half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US . http://transcripts.cnn.co m/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html <http://transcripts..cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html>

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U.S from the Southern border. Homeland Security Report. http://tinyurl.com/t9sht <http://tiny url.com/t9sht>

12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period." http:/ /www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf <http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf>

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin. http://www .rense.com/general75/niht.htm <http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm>

14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States ". http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml <http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml> Total cost is a whooping.... $338.3 BILLION=2 0PER YEAR!!!

If this doesn't bother you then just delete the message, but on the other hand, if it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, then forward it.

Social Security Change For 2008

The United States Senate voted to extend Social Security Benefits to Illegal Aliens beginning in 2008.
Now, the following are the senators who voted to give illegal aliens Social Security benefits. They are grouped by home state. If a state is not listed, there was no voting representative. NOTE: Both Obama and McCain voted FOR giving illegal’s our Social Security benefits. Who are we going to vote for??? We could try writing in Ron Paul’s name. He’s been strongly against the illegal’s getting ANY benefits, forever!

Alaska: Stevens (R)
Arizona : McCain (R)
Arkansas : Lincoln (D) Pryor (D)
California : Boxer (D) Feinstein (D)
Colorado : Salazar (D)
Connecticut : Dodd (D) Lieberman (D)
Delaware : Biden (D) Carper (D)
Florida : Martinez (R)
Hawaii : Akaka (D) Inouye (D)
Ill inois : Durbin (D) Obama (D)
Indiana : Bayh (D) Lugar (R)
Iowa : Harkin (D)
Kansas : Brownback (R)
Louisiana : Landrieu (D)
Maryland : Mikulski (D) Sarbanes (D)
Massachusetts : Kennedy (D) Kerry (D)
Montana : Baucus (D)
Nebraska : Hagel (R)
Nevada : Reid (D)
New Jersey : Lautenberg (D) Menendez (D)
New Mexico : Bingaman (D)
New York : Clinton (D) Schumer (D)
North Dakota : Dorgan (D)
Ohio : DeWine (R) Voinovich(R)
Oregon : Wyden (D)
Pennsylvania : Specter (R)
Rhode Island : Chafee (R) Reed (D)
South Carolina : Graham (R)
South Dakota : Johnson (D)
Vermont : Jeffords (I) Leahy (D)
Washington : Cantwell (D) Murray (D)
West Virginia : Rockefeller (D), by Not Voting
Wisconsin : Feingold (D) Kohl (D)

For the record: Nobody is against immigration… so long as it is done LEGALLY, according to the laws of the land. Giving currently present Illegal’s amnesty or paid social benefits is akin to letting a bank robber keep the spoils of his crime… just because he somehow got out of the bank without being arrested. The fact that the illegal’s are already here… are already an “issue,” does not grant them immunity or citizenship. If they want to join our society… let them go back where they came from and apply through the legally mandated system… just like most of our immigrant ancestors did! Snopes is provided for doubters: http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/bankofamerica.asp <http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/bankofamerica.asp>